Family reunions....where else can you get down-home cookin', a side of guilt, and your annual dose of juicy gossip?

Well it's not labeled as a family reunion, but it might as well be. Growing up, 4th of July was always spent in Cincinnati, OH with my mom's side of the family. Yup, every year since I can remember was spent down in the armpit of the great Midwest lounging in the sweltering heat with mint juleps nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, I've grown out of the Slip-and-Slide so any hope for cooling off has vanished. Aside from the heat though, I've tried my best to make it down there every year because regardless of how or when it happens, there is bound to be some drama that goes down in the record books. The most recent record holder is my step-dad who we'll call Dick (his name has been changed for his protection). A few years ago (memory has escaped me, but for some reason I wasn't able to attend) Dick became infatuated with the cannon phenomenon. This phenomenon occurs each year when my uncle decides the scare the crap out of every family member at the 4th of July BBQ, most of whom cannot handle the blast for it would put their pacemakers into overdrive. Well, it only took one shot before Dick fell in love with finding his own method of mayhem.

By the next year's reunion Dick had successfully found his cannon and anxiously waited for the perfect time for the cannon to make its debut. For Dick, that time was during my cousin's bluegrass band performance at a local bar. Secretly he ventured out to my uncle's SUV (I can't be bothered with the make or model) to load his new pride and joy in the hatchback. Big mistake! Note: for those of you interested in blowing things up be aware that blowing the back off your uncle's brand new SUV is ill-advised.

This year was not without its fill of new gossip of course--though it's hard to top the infamous explosion. This year was a collection of gossip about my uncle's new "girlfriend" who is just as crazy as him. They're both theater-folk, actors and such so you can imagine...by the way, this is my mom's brother and not the one whose SUV was blown up. He's never brought home a GF so this was the topic of discussion the whole time and especially after they left for the evening. THat was when the claws came out and I realized that I am NEVER bringing a significant other down to Cincy to meet the extended fam. After a day of alcoholic endulgence, the gossip was flying. My comment was that the new gf was very "theatrical" and that's the only way I could describe it. Apparently that stuck, though it wasn't profound by any means. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even with all the craziness that goes on I still enjoy my family. It's the only family I have and they will always have a special place in my heart (even if that's a place that I only visit once every three years).